Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize