Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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