Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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