I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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