I think I died a long time ago.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
