I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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