I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
