The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
