im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
