I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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