Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
