He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
