from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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