I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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