I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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