okay pat passed out under dana's car
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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