Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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