My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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