Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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