i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
