i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i came on her dog
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
