3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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