i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
