oh god the rape fog is back!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
