No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
