But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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