i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
