i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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