I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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