I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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