After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
either way he was missing a nipple.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
