I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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