what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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