I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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