hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I AM VODKA MAN
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
