I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't turn off my feet"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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