He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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