If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
