We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
