so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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