I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
