It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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