Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
cat food counts as protein by the way
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
