Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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