i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
