i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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