you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
