I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
