when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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