I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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