It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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