lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
