how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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