just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
