Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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