nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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