5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
