I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
