Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
