My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
