he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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