goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
