Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
