You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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