I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
