Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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