There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just gift wrapped bread.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
