Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
