hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
