Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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