First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
