so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
