I am puke
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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