I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
