I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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