I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
