but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
